The Woo Woo

The Woo Woo is an adults-only speakeasy close enough to Times Square that any New Yorker will get the ick. But if you can get over yourself, you ring a doorbell, speak the password (which you can find on their site), and then you’re almost there. You first have to pass through the shop, which is, to be clear, a sex shop replete with sex toys. All this before anything resembling a drink happens. If you’re bashful, this place isn’t for you. 

The transition is the whole gag: a graffiti-lined descent, a red curtain, some neon light and that little thrill of being a wee bit daring and naughty. It’s supposedly '80s Times Square themed. I didn’t find it to be that exactly, but I get what it’s trying to evoke, and I appreciate it. Not everything we remember fondly was actually good. The schtick here is indeed fun to inspect and will definitely garner some giggles.

Once you’re actually inside the bar, things do tone down. There’s a bunch of little tables to sit at, some lounge seating, and a bar with stools that have backs. It’s low-lit and comfy, campy fun, a gaze back at the Deuce from a safe remove. Yeah, it’s whitewashing and romanticizing the shit out of a time and place. But what is history if not grist for the mill? This is what Times Square would look like in an alternate universe wherein Disney still took over but retained the existing businesses/working people and just kind of spruced it all up. The staff keep it moving with a straight face and a light touch, which is exactly what this place demands.

Cocktails are more competent than the trappings suggest: bright, spicy mezcal things, gin concoctions with herb and citrus, and an old-fashioned riff that’s got a smoky dessert-adjacent finish. There are also, obviously, party shots designed to get a table laughing at itself, plus a short menu of sliders and fries. It’s good fun.

Unlike New York in the 1980s, there are rules here and they’re enforced: dress like you’ve got a modicum of class, bring a physical ID (to anyone who doesn’t do this as a rule: grow up), and don’t expect to linger forever—you’ve got 90 minutes. 

If you need a post-show story that isn’t another crowded hotel bar, The Woo Woo delivers nice cocktails at a cozy little bar. It’s silly at the door, able with a shaker, and perfectly tuned for out-of-towners who want a wacky NYC anecdote to take home.